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That moment you realize life needs to change….

For the past week I’ve not felt well.  Something is wrong, and I’m pretty sure it’s stress.  Well, I WAS pretty sure it was stressquote but now I don’t know what to think.  Last week I started to have chest pain while  I was at work. Sharp shooting pain that was gone the second I put my hand to my chest, that’s how fast it went.

I was unable to sleep the past few days and unable to relax.  I felt a bit anxious, but couldn’t understand why.  Then I started noticing that I could not walk from the house to the car without being out of breath.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  I took a shower, and when I got out I got a phone call.  My friend asked why I was out of breath.  I said “I just showered”, and his response was, “and just what were you DOING in the shower to be so out of breath?”   “Haha, nothing, but, it’s weird right, and my pulse is 110”!

So I saw the doctor today and said “it’s just stress, I know…but I wanted you to rule it out”.  He didn’t answer me and I got a little worried…He always tells me it’s stress.  Well, my pulse was 81, and I was still out of breath. He put the pulse ox on my finger and had me walk into the office and down a small hallway and again my pulse shot up to 110.  I’m out of breath and my chest hurts.  So, not normal! I was sent to the lab for blood work and a chest x-ray and if that comes up clear he is putting me on a 24 hour cardiac monitor called a Holter Monitor I think.

I debated coming to work tonight, #1 because I’m exhausted from this erratic heart rate, and #2 because of the work I do.  It’s physical.  If I have to go on a medical/trauma call I could have to hike someone in or out of somewhere with gear to carry too.  I just can’t do it right now.  My chest hurts bad again tonight, I’m trying to relax and I’m going to try to lay down.  I just had to get up and go into the ambulance for the patient care computer and when I got inside, again I couldn’t breathe.  My pulse was 120.  I am feeling horrible and hate waiting for the results.

However this turns out, whatever it may be…and it may be just stress after all.. but I realized one thing.  I always put EVERYONE else before myself.  I guess that’s what most women do.  But I don’t take care of myself.  I have been eating like crap, not exercising, work is quickly killing my spirit and then some. I need to start making changes that are good for ME and taking care of ME.  If I’m not here, I’m no good to anyone.  I never worried that I had high cholesterol or blood pressure.  I’m young.  I’m only 38 but I guess it’s time I started to take my health a little more seriously.  I need to make regular appointments for checkups and watch what I eat and exercise.  I told myself,  my body is like my car.  It needs an oil change and tune up and gasoline, etc…or it’s not going to perform the way I need it too. Well, If I don’t take the time to give my body what It needs it’s not going to work for me the way I need it too.

Also, I have a huge amount of stress in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.  I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday, I’d gotten out of a meeting, was going into two more, and my ex-husband was texting me being a prick.  I looked at my friend and said while trying to catch my breath…I’m gonna have a freaking heart attack!

If anyone reads this post and you have any tricks or techniques for relieving stress or relaxing and shutting out the world please let me know.  I need some changes fast before I’m not here to make them.

 

 

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