It’s hard to rebuild your life. I’m not going to lie. Is it worth it? Yes! And most satisfying.
In the past few years I’ve been trying to figure out what will make me happy. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to think back on the times in my life when I was content, and the things that make me calm, relaxed and happy. Where do I belong? Where do I fit into this world and what was I put here to do? One of the things I used to want to do were fashion design. I once thought about going to Vassar College, but that didn’t go anywhere. Couldn’t afford it, didn’t have enough self confidence to think I could make it…and so on! I’ve always loved art, and writing. I started drawing when I was in high school, and had to keep a sketchbook for art class. I never knew I could draw until then. I’ve always loved anything that involved putting pen or pencil to paper. Drawing, writing in journals, or writing story’s, even English class. My heart and mind keep going back to this. Like I need it, like its in my soul. Whenever Ive imagined my life, what I wanted and where I wanted to be, I always go back to having a small log cabin on a lake. Being on the water, quiet, rustic and peaceful. Drawing and writing in the calm serenity of this place I would call home. That is what I want and where I long to be. I recently went back to school, majoring in Paralegal. I thought it would be a good job, making decent money. I used to work in Human Resources and enjoyed the legal part of it. So, I thought, it’s lots of research and writing so it’ll be perfect. But I’m not so sure. I would love to pack up and move to the coast. I keep talking about taking a leap of faith and just doing it, but how do you afford to live on faith. I’d be worse off than I am now. How do you find your way to your dreams? How do you even figure out what your dreams are supposed to be. I know what I like and what makes me happy. But how do I find what it is that I”m supposed to do with that? I can’t follow my heart when I don’t really understand where it’s taking me?