Tag Archive | cutting

Alicia – One Year Later

Last night I spent some time thinking about the progress Alicia has made and the things she has endured an overcome in the past year.

It’s not easy being a teen, but I can already see that my daughter has MY strength, determination and sass! She will do good things in life because she is already a strong independent young lady!

Last year on this day, she watched her father marry a new woman. She had just moved from her home she grew up in, to this home of her new step-mother and step-brother. Instantly life had changed, and she had a new – extended family.

In September she began the first year of a new school, in a new town where she knew no one. Eighth grade is a tough one to start alone. To my surprise my shy and quiet daughter made a lot of new friends instantly. I was so happy for her and it seemed that things were going to be okay.

Then came the morning that they were told about their classmates death the night before. She was a girl in her home room, and a few other classes – – dead from a house fire. Alicia was quiet and didn’t talk about it much. When she did talk she commented in how she can’t believe someone, even her age, can be here – full of life one minute – then gone the next. It’s a hard thing for adults to understand, and I felt for all those kids.

She tried to concentrate on school. She was having problems with algebra because she never had pre-algebra in the other school. She took the initiative however to ask for help. She stayed after when she was able, and even started tutoring with her grandfather. I was so proud of her for making such an effort. This is something she wouldn’t have done before.

Things were still difficult at home and it was still a situation in which she was trying to adjust. Her step-mom and her butted heads a lot. Alicia came to me and said she was finally ready to go to counseling, and please make her an appointment. I was happy to do so because when I suggested counseling a year earlier she refused. Again, I can see she is growing up.

Most of you that have read my earlier posts know that she recently started cutting herself and dealing with depression and uncertainty about how to express her feelings at home. She spent 5 days in a behavioral hospital and said she wanted to live with me.

After I began making preparations for that to happen she told me she changed her mind. That despite the way things were at home, she had a lot of friends and wanted to continue school with them. That she would put up with home life and stick it out. She also agreed to finally start taking the antidepressant the doctor prescribed. These have been a lot of hard decisions and situations for a fourteen year old to handle, but she has handled them well. I am very proud of her.

Next week she begins a new year, and a new chapter in her life.
HIGH SCHOOL – – I wish her the best and hope she has an amazing 4 years!

Teen Depression/Antidepressants

Ive gotten through a lot of tough times in my life, but the newest challenge seems to be my teenage daughter. She’s always been kind of moody, but it’s become so much worse lately. She is in her room alone all the time, she is mean to her brother, but her attitude changes so suddenly. I’m beginning to think that maybe she is BiPolar.
She has had a few episodes of cutting. She takes a razor blade and uses it to make superficial cuts in her arms. She says she doesn’t know what to do with her emotions so cutting takes her mind off of the other problems. So about 3 weeks ago my ex-husband called and said he was considering having her held in the psych unit because she told him she has been thinking of killing herself for the last 3 weeks. I called and told her to promise she would not hurt herself and let us talk to the doctor. She told me she couldn’t promise me anything. I agreed to take her to the hospital to talk to someone, and they ended up keeping her overnight and holding her on a section 12. That is were you are held for AT LEAST 72 hours so the doctors can decide if you are a threat to yourself or others. I never thought I’d sign the paperwork to have my own child committed to a psych hospital.
She stayed for 5 days, and I think it was a sort of wake up call for her. She realized that other kids were so far worse off than she was. She is and has been angry at her father and I believe she was trying to get his attention. (She wants to come live with me, which I’m in the process of working on, but that’s a story for another whole post). She got a lot of stuff off her chest to her father that was bothering her, but he never wants to listen to what she has to say. So, she wants to come live with me. Last Week. This week she wants to be at her house in CT again so she can start High School with her friends. I told her with the things going on at her home a judge may not give her the choice. But I’m so frustrated. I went to the courthouse last week and filed custodial paperwork, which cost me $55 just to file, and then it’s another $60 to have my ex served.
After all of this she says well wait on it because I’m not sure if I want to live with you or dad. I’m getting angry because I’m trying very hard to put my own life back together. I’m looking for a full time job on days because I work nights. I also work 3 jobs to make ends meet and I don’t think she gets that. I can’t just change back and forth like flipping a light switch. I was so angry. And I’m sure that’s why she is so moody today but this is grown-up, real life, important stuff. It’s not simple.
So she has been in her room, stays there most of the time, and argues with me about everything. On top of everything, she was given an antidepressant, which took us a long time to decide to have them try, and she won’t take. The doctor said there is a slight chance of weight gain and she refuses to take it, and I believe it might help even out her moods a bit. I asked her to try giving it one month and then decide, so I’m waiting for her to decide.
I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure out this custody thing, and my finances, and my job and my health insurance, and if she tells a judge after we go to court she decided to stay with dad, I will have rearrange my entire life.