Tag Archive | lifestyle

That moment you realize life needs to change….

For the past week I’ve not felt well.  Something is wrong, and I’m pretty sure it’s stress.  Well, I WAS pretty sure it was stressquote but now I don’t know what to think.  Last week I started to have chest pain while  I was at work. Sharp shooting pain that was gone the second I put my hand to my chest, that’s how fast it went.

I was unable to sleep the past few days and unable to relax.  I felt a bit anxious, but couldn’t understand why.  Then I started noticing that I could not walk from the house to the car without being out of breath.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  I took a shower, and when I got out I got a phone call.  My friend asked why I was out of breath.  I said “I just showered”, and his response was, “and just what were you DOING in the shower to be so out of breath?”   “Haha, nothing, but, it’s weird right, and my pulse is 110”!

So I saw the doctor today and said “it’s just stress, I know…but I wanted you to rule it out”.  He didn’t answer me and I got a little worried…He always tells me it’s stress.  Well, my pulse was 81, and I was still out of breath. He put the pulse ox on my finger and had me walk into the office and down a small hallway and again my pulse shot up to 110.  I’m out of breath and my chest hurts.  So, not normal! I was sent to the lab for blood work and a chest x-ray and if that comes up clear he is putting me on a 24 hour cardiac monitor called a Holter Monitor I think.

I debated coming to work tonight, #1 because I’m exhausted from this erratic heart rate, and #2 because of the work I do.  It’s physical.  If I have to go on a medical/trauma call I could have to hike someone in or out of somewhere with gear to carry too.  I just can’t do it right now.  My chest hurts bad again tonight, I’m trying to relax and I’m going to try to lay down.  I just had to get up and go into the ambulance for the patient care computer and when I got inside, again I couldn’t breathe.  My pulse was 120.  I am feeling horrible and hate waiting for the results.

However this turns out, whatever it may be…and it may be just stress after all.. but I realized one thing.  I always put EVERYONE else before myself.  I guess that’s what most women do.  But I don’t take care of myself.  I have been eating like crap, not exercising, work is quickly killing my spirit and then some. I need to start making changes that are good for ME and taking care of ME.  If I’m not here, I’m no good to anyone.  I never worried that I had high cholesterol or blood pressure.  I’m young.  I’m only 38 but I guess it’s time I started to take my health a little more seriously.  I need to make regular appointments for checkups and watch what I eat and exercise.  I told myself,  my body is like my car.  It needs an oil change and tune up and gasoline, etc…or it’s not going to perform the way I need it too. Well, If I don’t take the time to give my body what It needs it’s not going to work for me the way I need it too.

Also, I have a huge amount of stress in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.  I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday, I’d gotten out of a meeting, was going into two more, and my ex-husband was texting me being a prick.  I looked at my friend and said while trying to catch my breath…I’m gonna have a freaking heart attack!

If anyone reads this post and you have any tricks or techniques for relieving stress or relaxing and shutting out the world please let me know.  I need some changes fast before I’m not here to make them.




My Birthday Weekend-Day Two!!

Five A.M. came too early.  So I hit the snooze button for a half hour before I dragged myself out of bed.  I just kept telling myself, your going to the beach not to work, so get up!  Thankfully I remembered to use the auto feature on my coffee pot and had a nice hot pot of coffee waiting when I went into the kitchen.  Then, just as the day before, I got dressed, in a different bathing suit and shorts, packed up some food made the hour trip to my friends house.  She texted the day before when I was on the river asking if I wanted to go for a ride to Cape Cod with her because she was picking up her daughter. She said we’d stop and go to the beach and relax for the day at the Cape.  So I jumped in her car and we were off.  Another gorgeous day on tap.  Not a cloud in the sky.  We made good time getting to the cape, picked up her daughter and stopped for lunch.  Every beach we tried to go to was full.  No available parking anywhere.  Figures right. So her daughter suggested we go to Provincetown because she’d gone there and the beaches were not that busy.  So, we headed to Provincetown.  It was a blast.  It was well worth the drive.  We parked on the dock near the Whale Watch ticked office and headed down to the beach for a while.  The water was absolutely amazing.  If it were not for the fact that I watched and am now terrified of JAWS, I would have been swimming instead of just going up to my waist.  It was bad enough someone yelled that there was a seal..and we all know what follows the seal…the shark! So to avoid becoming dinner myself, I stayed near shore.  I loved the beach.  There were little crabs and some hermit crabs and a dead horseshoe crab.  If I had longer I would have gone hunting for Star Fish.  I love them.  But we headed down to check out some of the little shops.  Things were interesting there and I got some cute pictures. I got myself a bracelet that matched the necklace I always wear.  I love it.  The Cabs, or Taxi’s, are little wagon type things with wheels and someone pedals you around on a bike attached to it.  It’s hilarious.  Sucks to be the biker with some enormous person needing a cab ride though. We stopped at Aqua Bar and had a beer, sitting on the outside deck overlooking the ocean.  It was a beautiful, peaceful place to be.   I could have sat there all evening I was so content.  We did a little more window shopping and stopped for dinner.  Again, we were outside on the deck overlooking the ocean and it was amazing.  Dinner was good.  After stopping at the fudge shoppe we made it to the car to start the journey home.  Traffic wasn’t too bad, and we made good time.  I think I was home around 11 or so, and could not wait to crawl into bed, but it was a really great day.  The way my moods have been, and with the weight of the world on my shoulders I needed a weekend like this to completely relax.  I have some very good people in my life and I’m so thankful for them.  You guys made what could have been a terribly depressing birthday weekend alone not only bearable but enjoyable and memorable.   So thank you.

Childhood Adventures (that include an outhouse!)

First_Night_in_the_Country_-_Outhouse_Humor_-_Conesus_Lake,_Lakeville,_New_York_-_pm_1953When I was about 5 my parents bought a piece of land “in the country” and decided to build a house.  It took 4 or 5 months If I remember correctly, but what I do remember for certain…is how we lived in those few months.

Mom and dad had a camper, a pop up camper, and one of those campers that goes on the back of a pick up truck.  (And back then we rode in the back of the pick up truck…no seats…no seatbelts..fresh air..YAY!!  Anyway, we lived in the campers.  One was for cooking/eating and one was for sleeping.  Occasionally us kids slept in an old green canvas army tent.  I still remember the smell that a canvas tent has.  The friggin spiders still haunt me to this day, and boy was it hot inside of there!! So, your probably wondering where we did important things like bathe and go to the bathroom?  Well…let me tell ya, it wasn’t pretty.  First – bathing – was down the road in the brook that ran to the river.  It was freaking cold, even in the heat of the summer.  I remember crying telling mom not to dunk my head in the water because it was too cold.  And the mosquito bites were horrible.  When we got home mom would use this “alcohol pen” and dab it on all of the bites, and it burned like HELL. There were snakes too, and that freaked my sister out…that was kinda funny 🙂   For “potty purposes” dad built an outhouse.  Oh yes, an outhouse.  It was so disgusting.  I mean it was “clean”, but there were bugs.  And I was a 5 year old girl.  And no 5 year old girl wants to sit in a dark outhouse with their pants down around their ankles wondering if a snake is crawling into them, or if the spider that had been in the corner had moved!  So my solution was to leave the door open to the whole yard, and family…and sing all the time I was inside.  I guess I thought bugs didn’t like sunlight and singing…I don’t know! I was and still am weird..so what!  Now, I was also scared of the wild animals, and didn’t like the idea of getting up in the middle of a dark, foggy night and walking to the outhouse like I was Laura Ingalls…this is not the prairie people!  So they gave us a bucket.  Yep, a bucket.  Whoever had to pee in the night, pee’d in the bucket and it got emptied in the morning!  Disgusting right?  And my kids complain they have it so bad with hot showers, and flushing toilets across the hall from the bedroom…geez!  As if that wasn’t bad enough, because we didn’t have much room the dogs had to sleep outside.  They were getting friendly with the neighborhood skunks.  We looked out and they were burying their heads in the dirt..and just where do you think THEY had to get a bath….yep, you guessed it.  Back to the icy river!

When we finally moved in, I remember the night, mom put our Strawberry Shortcake sheets on our beds, we had a pizza and when we went to bed it was like heaven on earth.  That bed was the best feeling thing ever.

It was rough going but we made it through. We had some fun times, some memorable times.  Unfortunately my kids have nothing like it.  Experiences like that are invaluable.  Of course you couldn’t tell me that at the time 🙂